Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
