We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
