I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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