Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
