I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
