he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
