A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My balls are so social today.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
