he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
