so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I am one with the molecules
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
