Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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