They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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