So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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