dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
