So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
