I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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