i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
