Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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