dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
