dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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