What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you told grandpa to call you daddy
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I believe in your delicious
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
