Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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