She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The uberlube is also flammable
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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