the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
