hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
