It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
