Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
