I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
