and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I can't turn off my feet"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I pour the whiskey from now on
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
