I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
