there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
