I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
