Who wears a wallet chain?!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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