Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
