ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
