You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
