Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
