So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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