Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Houston, we have a blender
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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