i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
