I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
