Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
