Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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