Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
