i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
