This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
