It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
