I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
