you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
