ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
a search helicopter?!
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
