Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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