he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
